Sadness, why am i feeling like this?

hem hem....... i feel lousy..

dunno when it started, i just feel unhappy..

in case u are wondering, i feel lousy cos i no longer feel young.. i feel like a old hag... just working and working... maybe sometimes u hear me meeting joan for dinner (yes, only those days i will feel better cos i splurged like a rich tai tai on food. my last dinner bill with her went up to 60 plus for two persons and it was so damn good!)

but what i was trying to say was i feel super bored... my life has nothing interesting about.. i see my other frens dating la, shopping la, studying la, meeting up la but me? i spend 6 days a week on work.. the only thing i do to entertain myself? super lame jokes and lots of crapping at work..

is working life realli so boring? i think if i wasn't ard at my workplace, it will be so quiet that u can even hear each other breathing.

i felt as though i am missing out on alot of things in my life.. (yes, some one will tell me that others are missing a large part of the life i am leading too)

but i just dun feel like a 19 yr old gal.. i may sound like i am making this realli serious but this is what i truly feel. at my workplace or shld i say the entire hospital, i seem to the youngest full time staff yet i feel like i have been working for so long..

i feel mature for my age man.. how shld i say it? yest, my manager was chatting with me and he said, "wow, time flies huh.. 6 months have passed.." and guess what i answered?

"ya lor, oh man, u mean i have been working for half a yr le lei!"

i couldn't believe this myself.. 6 months!!!!!!!!! gone like that!

if 6 months ago, i didn't choose this path, what will i be doing rite now.. will i feel happier?

i could be studying in nie... preparing for my sem exams.. not what i realli like, but who noes, i could have more frens.. seeing them in sch.. shopping after sch..

but i dun work, where do i get the money? how can i have my delicious dinner? how can i buy things i like? how can i plan for my holidays?

arghhhh.. i hate this man.. i noe i shldnt't blog abt all things... making myself feel even worse..

but i realli hope this feeling will go off soon.. real soon.. cos i have a good news.. i have finally paid off my debts which i borrowed from my sis for the sydney trip .. so for next month i can start saving and buy a ipod for myself...

oh ya, and i am turning 20 soon!!!!!!! yea, i noe still early la but i am looking forward what.. i hope to receive a big surprise on that day!!!

last thing to cheer myself up! i wanna say...

i am as free as a bird (pigeon?)........ i can fly up into the sky, mayb not very high but still can fly..... although sometimes i kana hit by the stupid aeroplanes... food kana snatched by the mafia crows monsters but i can shit on the clothes of ppl i dun like (disgusting poo poo) !!! WAHAHAHAHA

i feel better.. so much better